Remember Me (When I Am Gone)
by AmYer47
Summary: "Did you know that the voice is one of the first things you forget?"


**Fandom: **Carmilla (web series)

**Pairing: **Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein

**Warning: **Major character death

**Words: **1698

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing

**A.N.:** I apologise for the mistakes (most of them 'cuz it's almost 3 AM)

* * *

><p><em>Laura was beautiful. I always knew that, but I don't get tired of saying it. Even with no makeup; those ski-glasses that occupied half of her face; that ugly bonnet that Perry made for her and that jacket that I'm sure can be used as airbag. She was still beautiful.<em>

_''Carm, look, I can sky! I can finally sky!'' She yelled excitedly, I was skiing beside her, with camera in hand filming us, well, mostly her, for posterity it seems._

_''I can see that, beautiful.''_

_When we stopped, I took off my skis and left the camera recording, but I wasn't pointing at anything, I was walking towards the little thing a few meters of me, I half-smiled._

_''Having fun?'' I asked, embracing her from behind._

_''Yes!'' Laura answered, turning around. ''Thank you for what you are doing for me.''_

_''I would do anything for you, sweetheart.'' I looked at my watch;_

_[16/02/2014]  
>_<em>

"I'm afraid, Laura." She stopped whatever she was doing and sat down next to me in the bed.

"What do you mean?" She asked, putting her hand above mine, I felt that her hand was really cold.

"I am afraid of losing you." I couldn't look at her, not while I was like this. I was supposed to be her strenght. "Did you know that the voice is one of the first things you forget?" I sighed. "And you know? I love your voice, your ramblings..."

"Carm..."  
>_<p>

_Laura was in front of me, ready to jump, I was with the camera, and we were in a plane, I don't know where did she get the idea of skydiving, but hey, I told her we would do anything she wanted to, and we would go anywhere she wanted to. Apparently, she wants to jump from a moving plane._

_''Carm I know you are doing this for me.'' Laura said, turning her head to me. ''And I know you are not really a fan of highs after you fell into the light in Sylas and I really appreciate you are doing this for me. Really, never anyone has done something like this for me and I…''_

_''Time to jump.'' The instructor said._

_''I just want you to know that you are an amazing vampire and an amazing girlfriend.''_

_''I know, buttercup.''_

_And then the instructor jumped with her, followed by the instructor who I was attached._

_I heard Laura scream my name into the void. I looked at my watch;_

_[09/03/2014]  
>_<em>

"When I lost Ell, it was a torture, even though she thought I was a monster, I still loved her. But she died. And I was still alive. And time started to pass. And one day, when I was thinking of her I realised that I couldn't remember the sound of her voice. But I could still remember her face."

Laura put her arms around my neck and started to rub my back. "That's not going to happen." She just said.  
>_<p>

_I will never get tired of watching Laura fangirl over things that I don't understand, but those noises she makes are… adorable. Don't tell anyone I said that._

_We were in New York and Laura stumbled across a celebrity, and now I am here, filming the excited little cupcake and her celebrity crush. But she was happy, that's enough for me. Even though I was just standing there with my camera._

_''Come take a picture with us, Carm!'' Laura motioned herself and the actress. I sighed before going where they were._

_When the random guy from the street took the picture, I looked at my watch;_

_[08/04/2014]  
>_<em>

"You can't be sure of that. I don't want to forget you, Laura. I don't want to forget the sound of your voice, the sound of your laugh, your smile, your eyes… I don't want to forget that."

I remember when I started to forget Ell's voice, when I started to forget how my name sounded coming from her mouth, and it was painful. I remember that every time I woke up, her smile was slowly banishing from my mind. Even with my efforts to remember her, I started to forget.

But I still remembered us, our story, our romance; I remember what we did, but... I can barely remember her. Sometimes I have a glimpse of how was exactly her face, her smile, but never her voice. It took me a while to assimilate that I will never be able to hear her voice again.

"Don't forget me, Carm." I looked at her, she was crying. "I want you to remember. Okay? Even when I am gone I want you to remember."  
>_<p>

_''Remember when you almost get eaten by that really big shark?'' Laura giggled._

_''I recall that I was the one who was about to eat, and be careful with your cocoa, creampuff, you almost spill it in the camera's battery.''_

_''Since when are you so interested in filming? You always carry the camera anywhere we go.''_

_''Posterity.'' Laura arched an eyebrow. ''It does not always bite me, you know?''_

_''I know… but we can do better things…''_

_I turned off the camera and left it charging, I looked at my watch;_

_[28/05/2014]  
>_<em>

"What if I can't, creampuff? What if I forget the sound of your voice?"

Laura is sick, she is very sick. It started to get worse a few weeks ago. The doctors told us that she was going to last at least 6 months, so we grabbed our stuff and travelled around the world, I took her anywhere she wanted to be. We did everything she wanted to do. But now her time is over. She knows it. I know it.

Laura started to cough so I laid her down, in the bed and gave her a glass of water.

"I am not going to ask you to be turned just because I want you with me. That would be selfish. But... There is a chance you can change your mind?"  
>_<p>

_I woke up in the middle of the night, I saw the camera in the nightstand, but I felt emptiness between my arms, Laura wasn't there._

_I looked around and saw the window of the balcony half closed, so I stood up and went there, Laura was leaning on the banister, with her back to me, but looking down. She was crying._

_The worst part of all is that I didn't know what to do, my girlfriend was crying in the middle of the night and I was petrified behind her. I gulped._

_''Laura…'' I approached her, slowly. ''Are you okay?'' Of course she wasn't, you dumbass!_

_''Yes, sorry I woke you up…'' she said, still giving me her back and looking down. ''Don't worry.''_

_I was worried, I was worried all the time, there were nights I didn't sleep because I was watching her, so calm, so peaceful. I was worried that maybe she wouldn't wake up. I have spent the past five months afraid of losing her._

_I grabbed Laura's arm and made her turn, I embraced her. My eyes fixated in the digital clock in front of our hotel room._

_[01/06/2014]  
>_<em>

"I love you, you know that, right?" The blonde said, half smiling. "I want to be with you forever, but... But I can't..."

Laura had her reasons, she wanted to be with me, yes, but she also wanted to be with her mother.

There is a part of me that knows that Laura wouldn't be able to feed from human blood, or run from hunters, or kill people if it's necessary, or... watch everyone die.

I can't take her away with me without taking away her innocence.

"I know, I know." I kissed her forehead and stood up. "It's just... too much painful watch for the second time a love of my life being taken away from me." I stood in front of the window, watching the stars while the candles illuminated the room. "One thing was watching you grow old without me. But another thing is watch you die when we are the same age." I continued watching the stars. "I'd rather spend 80 years with you even though you grow old without me, than spend a few months with you with both in the same age. The only thing I want is more years with you..." I turned around and sat down again in the bed.

"I am really sick, Carm..."

"I know..." A tear rolled down my cheek.  
>_<p>

_''Dear, I think we should get going.'' I told Laura, who was still watching the fireworks, her smile faded. ''We can stay a few minutes more if you want, but it's starting to get cold. And tomorrow we are supposed to go and ride horses.''_

_Laura smiled slightly before nodding and slowly starting to walk towards our hotel, I stared her a few seconds before going too. She has been off lately, and we both know why. I looked at my watch;_

_[26/06/2014]  
>_<em>

"I am sorry... I am sorry for not being able to be with you for the eternity. I am sorry for making you fall in love with me..."

"Laura..."

She interrupted me. "I am sorry you have to watch me die and move on."

"Stop, please."

Laura's cheeks were covered by tears. "And I am sorry that you will probably forget me, just try not to. Because I won't. I won't forget you, Carmilla."

"Laura..."

She stopped breathing, her eyes fixated on me and a last tear falling from her beautiful eyes, but this time, they were not shining; they stopped shining a few weeks ago. Her heart was still beating; I put my hand on her chest feeling it beat, until it stopped. Maybe it wasn't the only one that stopped.

I looked at our nightstand, where a camera was there with a few memory cards and a photo of us and her father the last New Year. Who would have thought that would be our first and last new year?

I closed her eyes and stood up, walking towards where the others were, catching a glimpse of my watch in the process, I smiled, sadly, at the irony of the numbers.

[03/07/2014]


End file.
